


Need You Now

by Azuwrite



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Childhood Sweethearts, F/M, HEA I promise, I'm Sorry, Miscommunication, Need You Now, Prompt Fic, Quarter after one, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is a Singer, So much angst, Songfic, drinking isn’t coping, memories everywhere, small town, what letter?, why do I put them through this?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 14:49:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20472827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite/pseuds/Azuwrite
Summary: Prompt based off of Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now”. Everywhere he looks, a memory of his life with Rey haunts him. After a big fight one year ago, they find themselves living separate lives, pushing through the loneliness and regret they feel. Then, Ben sends her a text in his drunken stupor.





	Need You Now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ria84](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ria84/gifts).

> Ahahahahaha! I did it! Got this bad boy done just in the nick of time 😂 I had actually started it as soon as I signed up for the prompt, but this summer has been insanely busy for me. I’m so sorry! I had to pick this prompt. I looove this song and used to dance to it in dance class back in high school. It’s always kinda intimidating writing for someone whose writing you love, so I hope you like it! 💕

[](https://ibb.co/Wzj0Q7g) 1:15 AM

Was he destined to spend the rest of his nights this way? Ben had been sitting on the steps leading to his front door for hours now, empty bottle of whiskey never further than an arm’s-length away. 

His eyes were glassy, glazed over in a drunken haze, as well as with emotions threatening to spill over. Working his jaw and blinking his eyes furiously, he attempted to bury the loneliness and hurt back into the deepest depths of his aching soul. 

Releasing a shaky breath, he ran a trembling hand through the black mop he called his hair, the silken waves falling to his shoulders now. Though he had noted that he was due for a haircut, he knew it wouldn’t happen any time soon, his overbearing depression causing him to trudge through each day achieving only the bare minimum. 

As his eyes scanned over the quiet expanse of his yard, a single tear slipped down his cheek. Everywhere he looked, a memory of  _ her _ , of  _ Rey _ , tugged at his throbbing heart.

He watched the tire swing blowing in the soft early summer’s breeze, the image of his younger self pushing it with a giggling Rey inside, came to mind. 

His gaze wandered to the berry bushes and the painted fence that encompassed the property; the backdrop for their prom photos. He had never seen her dressed up before that night, and she was absolutely stunning. 

Then, when his eyes landed on the bed of his truck, he was flooded with memories of awkward fumbling, gentle touches, tanned bare skin, and love-filled eyes. They lost their virginity to each other there. 

As sentimental as those memories were, there was one that always left him a sobbing mess. He fumbled with the titanium band around the ring finger of his left hand, ignoring the burning sensation against his chest from the engagement ring that hung from the chain around his neck.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he told himself he wouldn’t let his thoughts wander there, at least not tonight. One tear was enough. 

_ Ironic _ , he thought. He never wanted to leave this place, always so stubborn and scared of change, but what did staying leave him with? An empty house, painful memories everywhere he went, and an unbearable sense of loneliness. 

Lifting his drinking glass to his lips, he downed the last of its contents, finishing it off with a lukewarm sigh. Though the alcohol brought a usually comforting warmth, his heart never felt so cold and lifeless. 

An empty glass meant the same thing it had every night for the past year; bedtime. With wobbly legs and a sore ass, Ben rose, his drunken limbs trying their best to get him where he needed to go. 

As he made his way through the house, he ignored the memories that were littered in every corner of every room. Bumping into walls the entire way, he couldn’t remember how he managed to get to his bedroom, but he was certain it involved plenty of idiotic laughter and crawling up the stairs. 

Crashing into the mattress, Ben hugged the plush fabric of his quilted blanket, popping off his boots before spreading his legs across the width of the bed. 

His hand rested on the other side of the bed,  _ her  _ side. The warmth was long gone, and so was her scent. He  _ hated _ it. He was terrified at the idea of forgetting it, forgetting her laugh, forgetting that bright smile, the freckles spread across her face...the sound of her voice. 

Had it really been a whole year? It had been a year since he looked into those hazel eyes, so filled with anger and hurt. A year since he heard her voice, raised and speaking hurtful words. 

He didn’t blame her. He had messed up royally and he was paying the price now. He  _ had _ seen her since that blow up fight, but it had been through the screen of his television. He  _ does _ hear her, just about every day, but it was through her many hits on the radio. 

Why had he been such a fool? Why didn’t he just support her, go with her? 

_ Maybe it’s not too late? _ The hopeful voice within his brain, that visited him every night in his drunken stupor, offered. 

He reached for his phone, as it was part of his nightly ritual, pulling up Rey’s number and beginning to type out a text message. He typed away, always deleting what he wrote, as it was never good enough. He was hyper-focused, trying his best to fix any typos.

With the message fully drafted, he rolled onto his back in defeat, laying his arm over his exhausted face. Like he did every night for nearly a year, he had the message ready, but couldn’t send it. 

_ You sent a letter and she didn’t reply. She clearly doesn’t want you in her life anymore, pal. Time to move on.  _

It was true. After that fateful night, filled with hateful words being slung back and forth, the frustrated fog in his mind cleared, leaving him to deal with the less than favorable outcome. He had wanted her so desperately to stay, yet here he was, without Rey. 

His eyes fluttered shut, and he let himself bury that last day at the back of his mind, thinking instead about the many nights shared in the bed he lay on. 

When they had first moved in together, so very many years ago, their first argument as a live-in couple was about which side of the bed they’d sleep on. 

Ben chuckled, a fond lightness within the sound. He knew now how silly it was to fight over such trivial things, but what couple didn’t have the occasional pointless spat?

In the end, she had won out. She got the left side of the bed, the one closest to the door. It had bothered him because he was raised to believe  _ he  _ should be the closest to the door, to stop an intruder from hurting her if such an incident was to occur. 

When all was said and done, he realized all he wanted was to enjoy his first night with her, his arms wrapped around her tiny frame. They sat down, talked, tried to understand the other’s point of view. She thought his reasoning was sweet, and appreciated that he cared for her safety so much, but when she gave her reasoning...he couldn’t deny her. 

With the childhood she lived, everything she had gone through, she wanted to be as close to her exit as possible. If being closer to the door made her feel more comfortable...he would give her that. 

He had never known what he was missing out on, sleeping with the person you love every night and, to his surprise, he often didn’t find his arms wrapped around her. Most nights, hers were around him...who knew Ben Solo would prefer being the little spoon?

He would wake to the most beautiful sight every morning; the sun-kissed face of an angel...even if that often included a line of drool dripping from her lower lip. 

He was always in awe of her; feather-light lashes resting upon freckle-dusted cheeks, perfect pink lips parted slightly to release relaxed breaths, and glowing tan skin, glistening under the sun streaming through their bedroom window. 

Since she left, he woke to nothing, the dim sunlight always spreading across her space like a cruel reminder. 

The memories of the joy she brought him had his heart fluttering hopefully within his chest. His eyes wandered back to his phone. Should he?

_ I know I told her I’d leave her alone for good if she chose not to reply to my letter, but… _

If there was any chance he could talk to her one more time...to apologize profusely, to congratulate her on her accomplishments...it would all be worth it. 

With his heartbeat reaching an all time high, he pressed the ‘send’ button, passing out only seconds later, completely oblivious to the chain of events he set into motion. 

  
  


******

Tossing and turning, sleep alluded Rey, as it did most nights. Sleeping alone became difficult, and much less comfortable, after years of having a cuddle partner. She just wanted a warm body pressed to her chest, her face buried in the shirt or skin of their back...their smell filling her senses…

_No_, she had to scold herself. 

She knew sleep would be harder to find this night, which was often the case on days that reminded her of  _ him _ , but she tried her best to block it all from her mind. 

He didn’t support her career, and after a full year to the day, never reached out to her. Clearly, he couldn’t be bothered, had moved on. 

_ Fine _ , Rey thought,  _ I can take care of myself. I’m used to being on my own.  _

She knew she was still salty and hurting from their big blow up, but...she thought he would have reached out by now...even if it was only  _ once _ . 

She wasn’t prepared for how fully her heart would shatter into a million pieces when he never contacted her. At the beginning, she was fueled by anger, working non-stop to put her voice and face out there. She hated to admit it, but part of what drove her was the desire to make him regret the day he chose himself over ‘them’. 

After three months of endless work and rage-fueled intentions, the fire had burned out, leaving a flood of feelings to drown her. 

She had cried. A LOT. 

She had to request a few days off to gather herself. It was embarrassing, she had thought, but she was being torn apart with every passing memory and thought of their futures planned together. 

She had spent just about her whole life in love with Ben Solo, and now, he was but a distant memory. 

She lay in her comfortable bed, sweat shining on her bare skin in the hot Texas summer night. The heat never bothered her, she was used to it, but the haunting images of the night she left tortured her tired mind. 

The way his voice was raised, his brows furrowed together, eyes burning with fiery abandon; she had never seen him so mad...as well as hurt. 

Her lip trembled at the thought. They were supposed to be together, going through life  _ together _ ! Her heart ached, thinking about the man she used to spend her days with, and the nights spent laughing deliriously at inside jokes. 

The tears began to fall, like waterfalls trying to shed the pain and suffering from her body. She wiped vigorously at the evil drops, but it was no use, they kept coming. 

Rey wasn’t a crier, she was a fighter. The only tears she shed came when she was alone, never in the presence of others. The only exception was Ben...who seemed to be made for soothing her seldom-had meltdowns. 

It was sad…she always told people it was good, healthy to let it out, to let yourself cry, but she didn’t extend that to herself. She allowed herself to bottle her feelings...told herself she was weak when she broke down. How could she give people advice that she doesn’t follow herself?

The more she thought about Ben, the more her body ached to see him. She just wanted to wake up next to him again, hands running gently against his perfectly mole-dotted face, plump lips squeezing out an ear-splitting snore...but that was okay, it was just one of those things that made Ben who he was, and she loved him more for it. 

What she wouldn’t give to run a light fingertip over his features; his strong forehead, thick brows, the rested lids of his eyes, and the bridge of his perfectly imperfect nose. It would always end with her running a hand through his silky black locks before resting her palm lovingly against his stubbled jaw, a moan of satisfaction always slipping his lips. 

His eyes would drift open slowly, the intensely dark honeyed color would engulf her in their warmth, something she fell in love with over and over again with each passing day. 

“Good morning beautiful.”

He never failed to say those words with that delightfully groggy deep voice of his. It also never failed to make her heart leap in her chest, her stomach queasy with fluttering butterflies. 

Deep down, she could still feel those irreplaceable feelings when she reminisced, but day in and day out, she ultimately felt empty. She loved what she did, and loved her fans, but there was a hole in her heart that couldn’t be filled in his absence. 

_ Why? _ Anger reared its ugly head suddenly, but it wasn’t for him. It was for her. 

_ Why? Why haven’t I reached out? Why am I so damn stubborn?! _

She had convinced herself he had probably moved on at this point, finding himself some other small town girl to settle down with and start a family. That’s all he wanted in life, she had wanted it too, but when your dream of being a singer lands in your lap...don’t you take it? 

She snooped through his Facebook feed more times than she wanted to admit, being the nosey, totally-still-in-love, loser she was, but he never was one for social media. Any pictures that appeared were ones he was tagged in, likely drug along to family events and holiday parties. 

She wasn’t quite sure why she put herself through it, as it always left her longing when she saw that familiar face through the screen of her phone. It did bring her some relief when there were no changes made to his relationship status though. 

If she thought her eyes were tired before she cried, this was something else. They  _ had _ to be red, aching and pleading for her to get rest. She hugged a spare pillow to her chest, trying her best to be a big spoon for it, her worn eyes stinging as she closed them. 

_ Finally _ , she thought as she started to feel the comforting warmth of sleep take her. 

DING

Rey grumbled, rolling away from her spooning partner and glaring at her phone through blurry vision. The screen lit up the room in a faint glow, taunting her with an unread message at such an ungodly hour. 

_ Who the fuck… _

She wasn’t sure how she managed to crawl across the bed to her phone, given just how exhausted her body was. Perhaps, it was the need to rip into whoever thought it was appropriate to message her this late?

With the device in a vice grip, Rey glared daggers into the screen, eyes racing over the name and number that appeared. When it fully registered to her who had sent the text, she sat frozen in place. 

_ Ben? _

“Oh...oh my god. Oh my god!” There seemed to be no attempt at keeping it together as Rey completely lost it, body trembling as the phone fell onto the bed. 

All she could do was stare, rubbing her eyes in disbelief, figuring she must be seeing things. When she looked back again, the phone remained lit with his name. This was really happening. 

_ Now? Why now? Oh god. Oh god.  _

Why, after all this time, was he reaching out? Was it because she left one year ago today? Had something bad happened? Was this some kind of sick joke?

The only way to find out was to read the message, so Rey cautiously picked the phone up, a grimace on her face like one you’d see on someone afraid of being burnt. 

She unlocked her phone, her mind and heart racing with the possibilities. Her finger hovered over the messaging app, shaking with an intensity she’d never experienced before. Closing her eyes and letting out a quaking breath, her finger dropped onto the screen, her messages opening. 

[](https://ibb.co/0Bsbhpr)

  
  


To say her feelings were mixed would be an understatement. She appreciated the apologies, her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest at his heartfelt words, she felt joy in his being proud of her, but what she seemed to feel the most right now was...confusion. 

_ Letter? What letter? _

Her brows scrunched together as she struggled to remember ever reading a letter from him. She got fan mail regularly, but she had never received anything from Ben. She’d know, as the first few months she searched desperately for any form of contact on his end, but always came up short. 

To her knowledge, she had never received a phone call, text message, written letter, or DM on any platform. She couldn’t believe it. With wavering hands, she let them run frantically through her hair. 

He had tried to contact her?  _ No way...no friggin’ way! _

Where was this supposed letter? Why didn’t it reach her? 

She read the message over and over again, finally realizing she should reply. Should she reply? What should she even say, after so long? 

_ I still love you and miss you every single day! _ She mentally rolled her eyes at the thought. It was all true, but she didn’t need to put herself out there like that right now, so soon. 

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard for what felt like hours, the digital clock on the screen indicating only minutes had ticked by. Eventually, she gave up, deciding she needed to just get a message out before she fell asleep and chickened out. 

She sent a brief reply, quickly plugging her phone in and rolling herself within her blankets. She needed to sleep before she became lost in her thoughts. So she forced her mind away from Ben and his letter, the thrumming in her chest never quite slowing. 

  
  


******

_ There was a new family in town, and in their small community, they were always wary of strangers. Ben had hopped on his bike, watching from a distance as some fat guy and his equally nasty friends moved their stuff into a run-down dump of a trailer.  _

_ They were a nasty lot, but that wasn’t surprising. Only drug users and criminals seemed to live in that part of town.  _ Something _ caught his eye though, or rather,  _ someone. 

_ There was a young girl, about his age, with the nasty men. He couldn’t get a good look at her from where he stood, but she was probably as gross as her family was.  _

_ Without much further thought, he was on his way, carrying on with what country boys do during their summer break: get dirty and explore.  _

_ About a week had passed and Ben had practically forgotten the new girl, enjoying his summer to the fullest. He was wandering by the creek down the hill from his house, whacking away at branches with his makeshift sword, when he heard an angelic voice carried on the cooling breeze.  _

_ “What the…”  _

_ His family’s property was large and he didn’t recognize the voice, which likely meant some creepy stranger was trespassing. Instead of getting an adult like he had always been taught, Ben decided he was tough and brave enough to scare the stranger off.  _

_ Raising his sword, he took quiet steps through his ‘secret passageway’, carefully following the voice along the winding, grassy overgrowth. He could see the opening at the end of the trail, the glistening creek resting on the other end.  _

_ He could still hear the singing, much louder and clearer as he peered through the towering cattails. The sound was soft, serene, as the chirping crickets and trickling water joined in. He could see someone, tiny twig in hand as they danced the tip across the water’s surface.  _

_ The person sat in the shade of an old willow tree, knees to their chest and face between their knees. They had no idea he was there, perfect for sneaking up on them and giving a good scare...and maybe a whack to the leg.  _

_ That was his plan, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop listening to the words the girl sang. Her voice was...mesmerizing...unlike anything he’d heard before...well, beside the original artist of the song. She did it justice though, the emotion and feeling reaching deep into the smallest atoms within his body.  _

_ His eyes fell dreamily shut as the girl continued to sing Alison Krauss’ “Down to the River to Pray”. He found himself humming along, swaying slightly to the sweet song. Losing his balance slightly, he took an accidental step forward, snapping a branch under his boot. _

_ Eyes snapping open, he looked up, desperately hoping the other person hadn’t heard. When his gaze caught sight of the girl, all he saw were big surprised eyes, filled with fear. They both remained motionless, like animals caught in a pair of headlights, stunned and absolutely mortified.  _

_ Finally, the girl stood, ready to flee, but Ben stuck a hand out, taking a few cautious steps toward her.  _

_ “Wait...please!” _

_ To his surprise, the girl actually stopped, turning slightly to watch him over her shoulder. Bewilderment danced within her brilliantly hazel eyes, catching the breaks of sunlight through the trees above.  _

_ It was the new girl, he realized suddenly, her body draped in ill-fitting, filthy clothing. Ben contemplated on what to say to her, not wanting to scare her off. Wait, wasn’t that why he was here in the first place? _

_ “Y-you’re really good at singing…” he murmured awkwardly, avoiding eye contact and kicking at the pebbles upon the ground.  _

_ He had never been very good at talking to girls...why would he need to be? He had plenty of guy friends anyways.  _

_ With the girl staying quiet for far longer than he liked, he finally looked up to see her brimming smile. He could feel the tips of his ears tingling with a blush, so he played it cool, scratching at the hair around them, blocking them from her view.  _

_ “Thanks...I’ve never sung in front of anybody before,” she giggled nervously, tugging on the end of her ponytail with fumbling fingers.  _

_ They stood awkwardly for a moment, neither sure what to say next.  _

_ “So…” Ben attempted to get the ball rolling.  _

_ “So…” _

_ “You’re the new girl, right? You just moved in with your dad, or whatever.” _

_ There was something that flashed in those innocent eyes of hers in that moment, something angry, or possibly hurt? She huffed out a breath of air, biting at her lip defiantly.  _

_ “Unkar is  _ not _ my dad. My parents aren’t around, so  _ he  _ watches over me. He’s a jerk, I don’t like him.” He could hear the hurt in her voice now, a broken girl who’s been through a lot during her short life, so he didn’t press her.  _

_ All he did was give an understanding nod and a quick, “Sorry to hear that…” _

_ She shook her head briefly before saying, “So…” with a playful smile on her face.  _

_ With a goofy grin in reply, Ben asked the question that had his curious mind going crazy, “So...what are you doing here? I mean...you’re pretty far from home.” _

_ Her face lit up like a Christmas tree in embarrassment, though he had no idea why. She looked as though she really didn’t want to admit to why she was there, trying her best to rein in the obvious guilty expression on her face.  _

_ “Oh, um, well…” _

_ “You can tell me...I won’t, like, tell on you or anything,” Ben offered.  _

_ “I...was planning on taking a bath…” the blush on her face was burning a fiery red now, admitting such a thing to someone she only just met.  _

_ “Oh…” he was blushing now, thankful he hadn’t discovered her later than he did.  _

_ “I know...it’s stupid! I’ll just get out of here,” she fumbled out self-consciously, tripping over herself to pick up the spare clothing and cheap soap she brought with her. “Unkar treats me badly when I use too much water...so I’ve always had to find somewhere else to clean up.” _

_ She stuffed her belongings into a cheap, worn out backpack before shuffling along the creek toward the train tracks, head hanging in sorrow. She hadn’t expected Ben to chase after her, wrapping his hand around her wrist to stop her.  _

_ When she turned to look at him, she saw a sort of determination in his eyes. “Don’t go...you can come to my house and take a  _ real  _ shower.” _

_ Her heart leapt with hope, but she forced it down, not wishing to be anyone’s burden. She let out a sigh, a grim frown settling on her face as she looked away.  _

_ “You really don’t have to…” _

_ “Please. I really don’t mind. It’s just water. That... _ jerk... _ really shouldn’t care about you cleaning yourself.” _

_ “Well...as long as I’m not getting in the way…” _

_ “Nope! Not at all! Now, c’mon! Let’s head over!” Ben took her hand in his, leading her down the path he had taken to get to her. “This is my secret passage, by the way, so don’t tell anyone!” _

_ The whole walk to his house was spent hand in hand, Ben talking excitedly about all the things he’d show her. “I’ll have to show you our dog, Chewie, he’s a good boy. Oh! And we have a really awesome tire swing that I can push you on! Oh man, and I’ll have to take you to my favorite spot by the lake sometime, there are SO many bugs you can catch!” _

_ Though she didn’t get a word in, the girl didn’t mind. All she could do was smile, because in all her life, she hadn’t had an opportunity to make a friend like this before, or to hold a boy’s hand. She didn’t know if he noticed, but she gripped it a little tighter, hoping the day would never end.  _

_ Soon after her hand squeezed onto his, Ben felt a slight flutter in his chest. Looking over his shoulder at her, he could see the smile plastered on her face, eyes watering happily.  _

_ He returned the smile, before introducing himself. “I’m Ben, by the way. Probably should have said so earlier.” He chuckled nervously.  _

_ “I’m Rey.” The smile that lit up her face when she said her name had his stomach tangling in knots, a feeling he never forgot.  _

  
  


_ ****** _

Ben woke to an unbearable throbbing behind his eyes, something he had hoped he’d be used to by now, given how drunk he got every night. He rubbed at his swollen eyes, thinking back to the dream he had, a memory from so very long ago. 

It  _ did _ bring a smile to his face though, as it was how he met Rey. He had been so instantly taken by her and everything that made her who she was. 

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of being caught so shortly after reaching his house that day. He tried sneaking her into his bedroom window, only to be staring back at his mother, arms crossed and brows raised. 

He was so sure he’d be screwed, grounded till the end of time, but his parents fell as in love with Rey as he did, welcoming her into their home as if it were her own. They took her on trips with them, fed her meals, and she had her own room and bathroom to use whenever she wanted it. 

It wasn’t surprising that he dreamt of her again, as it seemed to be a theme with him. Every night he would dream of her; memories of the past, things he wished for their future, or just plain odd ones that could be turned into some strange interpretative dance at a fancy art school. 

Clearing out the remnants of sleep from his eyes, he reached for his phone, almost scared to see how late he had likely slept in. What he hadn’t expected was to see a message...a message from... _ Rey? _

He rubbed furiously at his sleep-blurred eyes, certain he was imagining things, but when he looked back down, the message remained. The more he thought about it, the more he remembered sending the first message in a drunken haze, a grimace stretching across his features. 

As he moved to open the message, he crossed his fingers, hopeful that he didn’t make an absolute fool of himself last night to the woman he was so painfully still in love with. 

[](https://imgbb.com/)

When he read the two words, it felt like his heart stopped in his chest, a heavy, sinking feeling taking over.  _ How did she not get my letter? _

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. How bout those feels? 😂 I’m not sure why I put them through such pain, but I simply can’t help it. I hope y’all enjoyed! Be sure to let me know what you think 💕


End file.
